US Basketball Team Surrenders Bling; Blames Ho's, Usher

In a surprising announcement, Allen Iverson confessed that he and his teammates no longer have a shot at Olympic gold. Apparently, competing teams hired "thousands of ho's" to visit NBA players' rooms and drain them of their powers.

"It got so bad at one point, I couldn't lift the TV remote," said Tim Duncan, who only played 19 minutes in a loss against Argentina. When he did play, he limped heavily and could barely guard Roberto Santos, or "Blanco Gigante", considered the biggest, whitest man to ever play in Argentina. At the time, the nature of Duncan's injury was undisclosed, but an AP reporter saw a trainer applying a massive ice pack to the NBA MVP's lower torso.

According to the US Olympics Committee, competing teams have been nursing the strategy for almost two years. Some countries even held underground training camps to ensure only the fittest girls made the cut. The women were given fine lingerie, shiny bling, and chrome plating.

"When we won that first game, I thought we'd go out, have a few drinks and have an early practice," said LeBron James, who was coming off a Rookie of the Year NBA season. "Then, we get to the locker room and some fine chickenhead broke in. She put on the new Usher CD and took out a bag of vegetables. Put it this way, I ain't never gonna hear Usher and not think of zucchini."

The players also blamed poor officiating and lack of practice time for their sub-par performance. One NBA official, who asked for anonymity, said the league has retained the services of Pfizer, Starr Jones, and The Professor from 'Gilligan's Island' to find an antidote in time for the 2008 games.

by faktorial.com - where the NBA goes for its sloppy seconds


New York Daily News - Special - U.S. heads home as a bronze bust