Howard Dean Goes Nuts, Declares War On White People

We knew our friend Howard was a bit crazy when he started howling like a wounded Doberman during his presidential campaign. As head of the Democratic National Committee (DNC), he is proving, once again, that he's got a lot more 'crazy' left in his tank. Recently, he made comments along the lines that Republicans are rich white folks that have never made an honest living and secretly want to enslave Dave Chappelle and appoint Jesus and his band of merry men to high ranking cabinet positions. OK, I'm exaggerating a bit, but overall, Dean's not wrong, but he is just another example of what's so horribly wrong with the Democrats. Even when they fight back - they can only criticize; they rarely offer a vision or solutions.

Say what you will about those inbred, Chappelle-owning, NASCAR-loving, stem-cell haters, they are focused, well-organized and never let logic get in the way of their kooky ideology. Hate them all you want, but don't dare tell me you don't respect them. With the clinical efficiency of Josef Goebbels- organized pep-rally, Republicans are successfully pacifying the poor with religious psychobabble while the rich run amok, tax-free. It's only a matter of time before asbestos comes back into vogue and it's legal to pour mercury right on top of Mexican children. Imagine all this can be done with the support of no more than 20% of the population! If you're part of the other 80%, you just don't have it in you to debate Middle East policy - or even ice cream flavors - with someone who'd drive a Hummer over ten Iraqis to beat an abortion doctor to death with a King James, Second Edition. Trust me. Is it any wonder Kansas is removing evolution from it's textbooks? In a few years, the people of Kansas can look forward to Scurvy, Rickets and running around naked trying to "capture fire" during a thunderstorm.

So what to do next?

Well, here's the hard part. Much like Fear Factor, the first ingredient in this competition is balls. Balls are only part of the answer. (That's right, you'll only get partial credit if you answered, "balls".) The rest of the answer is vision and communication. Vision means knowing how to resolve the biggest issues of the day - economy, healthcare, education and foreign policy. Communication is being able to make the case - simply, passionately, and with facts. If that doesn't work, maybe pop a nip. I digress.

Unfortunately no one on the political horizon has has the total package to bring common sense, progressive thought or Newt Gingrich back to government. There are a few like John McCain, Rudy Giuliani, Bloomberg and even Arnold who think clearly on many issues, but don't have the muscle or motivation to overthrow the Conservative machine.

So who? I have an answer.

It has to be someone from the outside. Someone who doesn't have a stake in either party, but has a proven ability to lead people. That's right, Mel Gibson!! I know you think I'm nuts, but hear me out. The guy has the ear of the religious nuts. He is fairly moderate politically and has an excellent hair transplant. If you can overlook his white supremacist dad and the outside chance that he'll use his presidency to exterminate Jews, he's our man. If the Democrats can recruit him, Howard Dean will finally have something worth yelping about.


Dean Renews Attacks on Republicans - Yahoo! News