Head of White People Admits to Staging Hurricane

White Hurricane Targets Blacks

Delays helping the poor, black population of disaster-stricken New Orleans have led to suspicions that whites purposely staged the disaster to eliminate blacks. Today, those suspicions were validated when Colonel John Sanders, the Head of White People (a.k.a. "The Man"), admitted to the nefarious plot.

“To be honest with you, we didn’t think it would work. We had scientists working round the clock to come up with something. Then, lo and behold, there it was!” Mr. Sanders revealed at his press conference from his new home in Baton Rouge. “We must have gotten up at around three A.M., lined up in a row and just started blowing as hard as we could. Who knew, several hundred thousand white people blowing can create that kind of wind? It’s really a tribute to the will and strength of the human spirit.”

As relief efforts stalled and desperate cries for help were ignored by the Republican administration, many Southern whites expressed great optimism. Previous efforts by whites such as menthol cigarettes, carcinogen-laced fried chicken, AIDS, crack and malt liquor have largely failed to eliminate blacks.

When a reporter asked if he felt bad about all the hungry, desperate, black people who could not escape the disaster because they did not own cars, Mr. Sanders paused then replied, “I admire their undying commitment to public transportation and energy conservation.”

When New Orleans is rebuilt, the whites plan to fill all service jobs previously held by blacks with Mexicans. Details on the plan were not available, but Mr. Sanders expressed concern that “Mexicans are much better swimmers” and could present a bigger problem should the plan need to be aborted.

The Head of Blacks, Al Sharpton, was not immediately available for comment.