Corrupt African Tyrants Honor Bono, Geldof

This week, dozens of African tyrants gathered to honor rock star Bono of U2 and friend of rock stars, Bob Geldof for organizing the global “Live 8” concert and raising billions for poor African countries. The flamboyant three day ceremony was held at the gold-plated palace of Zaire’s Supreme Ruler and Diety, Mbutu Fukuutu.

On opening night, fireworks kicked off an evening of passionate speeches and elaborate dance numbers. In a rousing oratory, Tukku Mmune, military despot of Congo, tearfully thanked Bono and Geldof. “With this extra money, we can now execute 400 nomads a week, up from only 200 last month!” Wiping a tear, he continued, “We can then beat the remaining tribes with high-grade wood sticks made from UN aid boxes. All because of you, Geldof…and the one with the funny glasses!” toasted the emotional Mmune.

Kuke Krukke, ruler of Zimbabwe, best known for hatcheting 700,000 Zulus, offered Geldof and Bono a tribal skull cap - made of actual Zulu skulls. “I honor you with the fruits of my life’s work. May your bones find their purpose long after they have been severed!” exulted Mr. Krukke as he raised his glass to toast the somewhat uncomfortable guests of honor.

At the second night’s dinner, Ugrubbe one of the bejeweled revelers joked, “Stupid Pink Floyd reunited with Roger Waters all for us!!!” Nigeria’s ruler suggested he will name his new tanks “The Waters Brigade”, which he will use to crush human rights protesters because the sound reminds him of “bubble wrap”. Neither Waters nor Pink Floyd could attend the ceremony due to a previously scheduled performance to benefit Pfizer, the ailing drug maker.

On the final night of the event, all guests received free gift bags containing diamond earrings, an iPod Nano pre-loaded with the sounds of Zulus being slaughtered, and gold plated bones of several unidentified African opposition leaders. “I got a femur,” bragged Zutubu Mbruk, son of Congo’s Minister of War. “I have a pinky,” waved Summ Dummi, Crown Prince of Sudan. After dinner, the royal offspring competed to see who would be first to piece together and identify their unlucky bone donor.

---by faktorial.com where brilliant satire fights hunger, stupidity and gingivitis.

http://www.azstarnet.com/news/122807