Cheney Develops Taste for Blood, Hunts Down Dissenters

Witnesses report that Wednesday morning, Vice President Dick Cheney unleashed a flurry of gunfire after a hearty breakfast at the White House. He reportedly yelled, “You all look like filthy, liberal quail to me!!! AARRRGGGHHHH!!” White House aides admit that since shooting one of his hunting buddies in the face, the Vice President has developed a taste for blood.

An anonymous source at the CIA revealed that Mr. Cheney, who avoided the Vietnam draft due to acid reflux, has been in secret military training for the last three years. Mr. Cheney is suspected to be the administration’s secret weapon to silence a rising chorus of opposition to domestic spying, the war in Iraq, and the mysterious disappearance of brown M&M’s.

To prove he means business, Mr. Cheney plans to execute his lesbian daughter on FOX News. Calls to FOX were not immediately returned, but a spokesman for Mr. Cheney revealed that following the execution, the Vice President will announce plans to “take out an undisclosed Hollywood Jew and anyone driving a Prius hybrid.”
Surprisingly, Democratic Senate leader Harry Reid directed his criticism of the administration’s tactics. “FOX News, once again, is proving that it is partisan. In a concession of equal time, FOX offered to air Hillary Clinton's killing the Democrats' chances of winning the presidency.

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