COMMENTARY: Mustafa, Show Me the Lubriderm!
Seems like the last faktorial, US & Britain Bans Passengers from All Flights got a few readers all riled up. Good! Apparently, I failed to thank the government for taking away my Clearasil in the name of safety. As I finger a budding, but unaddressable zit on my flight home, I'll explain why these new rules are actually making us LESS safe and considerably uglier.
Any time or resources spent prying creamy, delicious Skippy peanut butter from the bloated carcasses of Midwestern tourists is time NOT spent targeting real threats to our national security, like disgruntled Pakistanis, Scientologists and flamboyant priests. As a result, we DIVERT precious resources AWAY from those plotting terror or those planning to chase Mikey Jr. around the rectory.
This is a pivotal moment for us all...are we really prepared to sacrifice our lives for the illusion of safety? Have we gotten so politically correct that we canÂt admit that twitchy Mustafa's Lubriderm needs a little more attention than Jessica Simpson's Proactiv? Everyone knows pretty girls don't explode.
Before you drop your tofu, my righteous, liberal friend, take a walk on the Dark Side with me. Let's explore every Southern Republican's secret solution to ending crime: stopping every black male who's ever been in or near a Mercedes. That's right, we're talking profiling, but the good kind.
Profiling, when done right, is not about race or targeting a particular type of person, it's about subjugating minorities. Kidding. Actually, it's more like using Match.com to find a vegan girl who likes surfing. It doesn't mean you have anything against meat eaters or snow-boarders. (It does mean you'll be alone forever since no one's ever seen a vegan strong enough to swim.) My point is terror profiling should not be malicious or discriminatory. It's a way to find patterns of behaviors and characteristics that make finding malicious Arabs fun and exciting.
We'd be foolish to think profiling isn't happening already. Everyone pretends like Mohammed didn't just trigger a massive silent alarm. Instead, we wait and watch Chinese grandmothers and exotic dancers named Violet get deprived of their rightful ointments. Everyone waits - including poor Mohammed, who's now late for a business dinner.
My solution?
- Stop calling ex-Wal-Mart clerks "security agents". Hire real agents, or at least Target's Employee of the Month.
- Have El-Al train these new agents to find real terrorist threats, not toothpaste.
- Stop insulting our intelligence with pointless searches. Don't you think Mickey Rourke's embarrassed enough flying coach?
So, let that creepy, sunburned cougar woman have her moisturizer...please.
by faktorial.com - where both Liberals and Conservatives get free shelter, a warm meal and a big, wet kiss
Labels: Commentaries, Greatest Hits, Politics, Society and Culture
2 Comments:
Although your argument makes theoretical sense, it fails to address one critical draw back to profiling: it alienates semi-terrorists and makes them become full blown terrorist.
There are many extremist muslims who have not taken the full plunge yet. Yes they may hate America; Yes they may have cheered on 9/11; Yes they donate their funds to charities such as "Boys and Girls Club of Tehran" but they are not necessarily terrorists.
These people may be currently sending information and money to real terrorists but aside from executing dry runs and harboring a sleeper cell or two they are not blowing things up.
Now picture these people getting profiled ... it may be the last straw that broke the camel's back, no middle-eastern pun intended.
That's not a bad point. I say, BRING IT ON!! Let's put our intelligence services to the test. They should already be aware of those on the brink of radicalization. Isn't that the point of all our secret wiretapping and other "Patriot Act"-ivities?
Plus, I don't think copping an extra feel at at the airport is any more of a trigger to radicalism than, say, invading Iraq, or Afghanistan.
Also, I'm not suggesting that all Arabs or other Muslims be targeted across the board - only those whose behaviors and profile make them likely to combust.
Whatever the answer is, I know inconveniencing everyone just to make it look like we're being "fair" is counterproductive, a dangerous misuse of resources and an insult to our intelligence.
Another option is pre-screening frequent travelers amd giving them a "You're Probably Not A Terrorist" EZPASS so they can run through the security gaintlet with their hemmorhoid meds intact.
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