How I Fell in Love with Ann Coulter
I remember it like it was yesterday. I was channel surfing and there she was. A guest on Real Time with Bill Maher. Those long, sexy legs. Flowing, gilded blond hair. I cranked up the volume. From the moment I heard her sweet, luscious voice utter, "Bill Clinton is a child rapist", I knew she was The One.I had to learn everything I could about my Golden Princess. I bought all her books - "Why Jews Killed Christ and Made GefilteChrist From His Kidneys", "Torture, Schmorture: How I Extract Truth From One Arab a Day and Still Keep My Day Job", and her classic, "Hey Hillary, There's a Coat Hanger in My Bloody Fetus." If Charlotte Bronte had balls, or Joseph Goebbels a word processor, they could only dream of being Ann Coulter.
Once I learned all I could about my Ann, I made plans to attend all of her appearances. I knew that as soon as she noticed my intense, cross-eyed gaze, she'd call me a 'dirty fag' and we'd fall madly in love. If only it were so.
The first appearance I attended was a NASCAR rally. It didn't go well. Apparently, Ann had many suitors competing for her attention. Each showed up with as much, or more, CoulterCuntry.com paraphernalia than I had - the exploding JFK head, old detonators from abortion clinic bombings, even her new ObamaNation Thermos, which turns black around black people and white around whites. These people had way more resources than I did. I had to take drastic measures. I killed four of them. Clearly, I would not have enough emotional energy, or room in my van, for My Dearest Ann.
I decided to try a different tact. Luckily, it was election season and Ann was guest-hating on a number of TV shows. I watched them all. I took careful notes on every American enemy she'd mention - John Murtha...Nancy Pelosi...Carrot Top.
It was harder and more expensive to "get to" these America-haters than I thought. So, I did the next best thing. I found their families. Within a week, I sent My Love two dozen black roses and ten severed pinkies inside a beautiful vase made of 97% pure Iraqi prisoner bone. It would be the first thing she saw when she opened her crypt at sundown. I was so in!!!
It did not take long for the cops to arrive at my shed.
As I sit in my cell, my Dear Sweet Ann, oh how I long for thee. Each day I dream of waking up to the sound of you calling me a n**ger-lover or a weak-willed, liberal c*ck-s*cker. The melodic flow of your Adam's apple is fused into my memory. I long to be enveloped in your warm, bodacious bile. Hold me. Scrape your name into my back with your serpentine claws. Love me, Ann. Love me like Pudgy Brown, my cell-mate, never, ever could.
by Faktorial.com - where we know a girl with serpentine claws is a keeper.
The Blog | Arianna Huffington: Has Ann Coulter (Finally) Had Her Macaca Moment? | The Huffington Post
Labels: Greatest Hits, Politics, Society and Culture
posted by Faktorial.com @
Tuesday, March 06, 2007
6 comments
6 Comments:
I find it quite humorous about who gets to use which words in this
world. As an example, someone who says the word that Anne said (I don't use the word personally) has to go to therapy. What is that about? The group that is trying to ban the "n" word (I don't use that word either, or at least I haven't for quite a few decades and then only to friends that were "n"'s).
Why do the people who are trying to ban use of hateful words get to use
those words, but no one else can? The dude from Grey's Anatomy talked
about how hateful the "f" word was, but he used it again and again. What is
the deal? If the word is a bad word, than no one should use that word. If
it is not, than what is the problem with Ann Coulter using the word.
Do you agree?
Here's my take on it. Words are just words and you should be able to use them any way you want. Of course, then it becomes about 1) context and 2)intent.
When it comes to using certain words you are putting yourself at risk of being taken out of context, especially if you're a public figure subject to tv or web clips. However, I strongly believe it should be each person's decision whether or not you take that risk.
2) As for intent,that is how your words will be perceived. If you say it without malice, that's how they'll be taken. I've seen white comedians - on stage say the dreaded n-word - and get huge laughs from black and Hispanic audiences. Michael Richards, for example, was not funny and therefore, perceived as hateful.
Finally, there is no therapy for this. All that is just bullshit and PR. The reality is, Coulter is not a comic and there is no context that would make that word work for her. She is a privileged cunt with a bad attitude. Her "intent" was to be shocking, but in or out of context, she is still a sad, attention-seeking, angry, hateful cunt (a word I almost never use.) and so is anyone who likes or agrees with her. Men included.
I sense your anger my little paduwan learner. Your journey to the dark
side is nearly complete.
If you did come over to the dark side, you could fantasize about Ann
Coulter and ignore the fact that she is a bit to the right of Adolph
Hitler and Bob Dole.
No need to ever feel guilt or to apply reason. Never again. Everything
that you believe is true because god said so.
Mcknife, no guilt here. I'm just flexing some creative muscle. Anger is good fuel. I, of course use it for good, not like your girl Coulter who is pure evil, down to her CPU.
You watch what you’re saying about the woman of my dreams….
thanks
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