‘Take Pill, Kasparov’

Former Russian chess champion and freedom fighter, Gary Kasparov, was arrested Sunday for leading a protest of Vladimir Putin's authoritarian regime. Mr. Kasparov took over after former rebel leader, Vladimir ‘Crazy Clown’ Trotsky, was trampled to death by fleeing protesters as his massive, green shoes got caught in a sewer drain.

Though Mr. Kasparov was later released, Faktorial.com has obtained a secret transcript of his detention experience:

Guard 1: Take this pill.

Kasparov: No.

Guard 1: Take it..

Kasparov: No.

Guard 1: Are you hungry?

Kasparov: No.

Guard 1: We have sushi.

Kasparov: I’m not hungry.

Guard 1: Cake. We have cake.

Kasparov: It’s fluorescent.

Guard 1: But is delicious! Yum! Boris, come here. Try cake.

(Guard 2, Boris, walks over).

Guard 1: Here try!

(Boris resists. Guard 1 places a piece on a spoon.)

Guard 1: Choo Chooo!

(Boris keeps his mouth closed. Turns his head.)

Guard 1: You don’t want cake? OK.

(Guard 1 takes out his gun and shoots Boris in the head.)

Guard 1: Anyway, I say, is good cake.

Guard 1: You have kids?



by faktorial.com - where we know Polonium does not affect the flavor.


NY Times Article