Polyp from President’s Colon Contains Nancy Pelosi

After a detailed biopsy, Dr. Herman von Blumpkin said that the polyp removed from President Bush’s colon contained House Speaker Nancy Pelosi. It appears Ms. Pelosi was digested whole and ungarnished. After promising to end the Iraq war and reverse the damage of the Bush Administration, both Miss Pelosi and hope for change have mysteriously vanished. Doctors were only able to recover one of these items from the First Rectum.

“She hung on for dear life,” observed Dr. Blumpkin. “We found a trail of broken Lee Press-On Nails, silicone gel, and wig glue throughout Mr. Bush’s large intestine,” he added.

To earn the trust of the administration, prospective aides, cabinet nominees, and generals must earn a Dicks-Sigma brown belt. Certification requires at least forty hours inside either George Bush or Dick Cheney’s colon with little more than trail mix, a candle, and a quilted roll of Exit Strategy.

According to White House Spokesman Tony Snow, “Mr. Bush can loosen and release visitors on demand. It’s a technique he learned from Deepak Chopra.” The former journalist continued, “When Ms. Pelosi passed me, riding a tidal wave of beef stew and baby carrots, I knew the Democrats might be up to something.”

In fact, Ms. Pelosi believed that infiltrating the Administration’s inner sanctum was the Democrats’ only hope. “We had no idea how inner their sanctum really was,” one Congressman admitted.

The Democrats' original volunteer, Congressman Charlie Rangel, was too beefy to fit inconspicuously inside the President. Reportedly, Mr. Rangel failed his first drill. Despite hours of yoga and lubrication, he struggled to get more than a yard deep into a nearly-rigid Jerry Falwell. Unlike Ms. Pelosi, Mr. Rangel expected to encounter fierce opposition from well-armed, fundamentalist white blood cells.

While Ms. Pelosi hunted for strategic truffles, Mr. Cheney used his brief tenure to issue nine executive orders, eliminating free speech, brown M&M’s, and each of “those seven gay dwarves”.


By Faktorial.com – where we strongly advise against lighting a candle inside an intestine, without Republican supervision.