faktorial.com  {who the hell are you?}

What is faktorial.com?

You probably don’t realize how lucky you are.  No, not to be alive - hell, bin Laden and the cracked-out Olsen twin are alive.  You, my friend, are standing waist-deep in a festering pile of brilliance.   Like a radioactive California Roll inside an old Russian spy, my faktorials will bloat you with laughter, feed your craving for satire, and induce massive hair-loss and nausea.   Each faktorial* is 100% original - a product of a twisted world, a vivid imagination, and an abusive childhood.  So if I’ve made you laugh, or think, or topple a tyrannical regime, it will all have been worth it.

*A “faktorial” is a loveless marriage between the German word “faktor” [same meaning as in English] and “editorial”.

Who is the Mastermind behind faktorial.com?

The creator and writer of faktorial.com is, well, me.  I’m a New York-based standup comic, screenwriter, and corporate whore. From one-time NYU journalism major to Condoleezza Rice’s boy-toy, I have SEEN IT ALL and have chosen to make fun of it here. So why doesn’t the Wizard step out from behind the curtain?  Simple – the wizard’s pants are around his ankles and his trial subscription to girlsgonewild.com is trickling away. Actually, it’s simple.  Performing and writing for film and TV don’t pay the bills yet.  Until then, faktorial.com remains a guilty pleasure for you, my demented, underground fan.  

What’s the faktorial mailing list?

By signing up for my mailing list, you’ll be first to receive new faktorials, news of upcoming performances, and the occasional, courtesy heads-up when there’s cyanide in the KY Jelly.   Of course it’s also a direct line to yours truly…blessed be thy satire.

How can I hire you or bring you home to my family?

You can reach me at feedback(insert”@”symbol)faktorial.com (that’s a SPAM-philcatic). You can inquire about writing or speaking opportunities.  Need someone to MC your next corporate, political or Scientology convention? I'm also available for bar mitzvahs, baby showers, Christenings, wakes, resurrections and ritual sacrifices. (No goats, please.)

I hope you enjoy the site!

Arthur C. Clark

The visionary author who made me believe in limitless possibilities.  He also made me realize how tiny and unimportant we are, which is a great way to get rid of all kinds of guilt.  It's because of him that I'll never lose my retarded-child-with-a-plastic-coat-hanger-like curiosity.   Most importantly, Sir Clarke gave me comfort with the probability that I'll never know the real answers to life's biggest questions. (Incidentally, the SAT people did not find this philosophy as amusing as I expected.)

Nelson Mandela

A true hero and source of infinite morality, dignity and inspiration.  Plus, I think he's still having sex at 80!!  He must have been all backed up after spending decades of his adult life in prison (with no sex, I suspect).  In that respect, we're exact opposites.  I figure by 80, I'll be ready to finish that stem cell work I've been putting off.  Till then, party on! 

Howard Stern

...which of these things is not like the other?  Let's put it this way, I've been listening to Howard since I was 13 - for several hours a day.  That's more hours per week than the total amount of parenting I've ever had.   At this point, I think he's technically my dad.  Howard is almost single-handedly responsible for my sex education, social tolerance and a small bruise on my inner thigh...hmmm.  See, he's not so bad...thousands of hours of listening and my worst side effect is a small fetish for stuttering, albino, dwarf strippers.  Thanks, Howard!

Jackie Mason

One of the funniest (and funniest-looking) people on the planet.  And it's not so much about the jokes.  Jackie is about  65% delivery, 30% facial expressions and like 30% material.  I could listen to him read Progresso labels.  

Steven Wright

Steven is the master (and sole practitioner) of 'abstract comedy'.  Nobody does it better.  In fact no one's ever tried.  If someone else tried to tell you a joke about driving his house around, you'd kick them in the nuts! 

South Park

You haven't lived 'till you've seen a poorly-drawn, 10 year old cartoon character giving Ben Affleck a hand job while possessed by his J-Lo sock puppet.  Astounding political and social satire from Matt Stone and Trey Parker dished out by seemingly-innocuous fourth graders.  Plus, Cartman might just be the greatest TV character since Archie Bunker.  He's just so precious as he accidentally imports an Ethiopian child from Sally Struthers or when he leads a pogrom through the streets of South Park after watching "Passion of the Christ"...just precious.   

Larry David

"Curb Your Enthusiasm" has to be one of the funniest shows ever.  As creator of "Seinfeld", Larry even made the banal Jerry Seinfeld palatable.  

Sacha Baron Cohen

"Booyakasha!"  "Wesside!"  "Big up yaself!"   "Yek-shamesh!"    "Chhraam!"  "Keep it real!" "I ain't no ignoranus!"  Need I say more?

Read Ali G's hilarious and profound Harvard commencement speech here.  Here's a quote:

"It is important never to forget where u all came from - becoz black, white, brown or pakistani we all come from de same place - de punani."

Chris Rock

Like a politically-conscious Richard Pryor without the pesky drug habit.  I love people with something real to say.

Rowan Atkinson

Best known for his role as Mr. Bean, Rowan Atkinson is probably the most gifted physical comedian of modern times.  He also starred in the ingenious series, "Blackadder".  If you like British comedy and haven't seen it yet, go here and buy it.  (Or, pop a cap in the cross-dressing sales clerk at Tower records and get it free!)

George W. Quayle

They're more or less the same guy, so I merged them.  Anyone who provides this much material has to be considered an influence. 

peerless

Richard Thompson
Nick Cave
Leonard Cohen
Beatles
Queen
Muse
Marillion
Pink Floyd
The Kinks
King Crimson

great

Firewater
Grandaddy
Radiohead
Scorpions
Eminem
Travis
Pulp
Tom Waits

Red Elvises
Savatage
Tindersticks
Peter Hammill
The Who
David Bowie

up and coming

Spoon
Franz Ferdinand
AFI
Black Heart Procession
Bright Eyes
Modest Mouse
Pleasure Forever
White Stripes
Ted Leo & the Pharmacists